I have no happiness to report. Do you have any?
Sitting around and listening to garbage music in order to block away thoughts and issues so I can focus and function. (In order to block away my neighbours noise…) I guess that junkmusic is my forced upon drug of choice again, for a while. Interestingly enough I have been fully aware of junk-culture for two decades now and why it works so well in this currently deranged world. It drugs down problems and takes down the ability to concentrate and leave very little time over to find and grasp reality as it is.
Escapism, as it is most commonly called, be it by reading dumb books, watching TV, or searching on the internet, playing games, talking nonsense or making useless plans, walking around in nightlife, listening to music made by morons… Whatever. It is all the same useless dead nothing inside nothingness.
These people, myself at times faking it to be included in this for observance, are in this world thinking that we cannot face any higher quality in life, or be anywhere near any higher Reality. These people are living in what seem to exist for their identities, not seeing anything other than their “peers” fully occupied with being moronic. What you will consume you will somewhat become, to others gain and amusement... And that is how it is… Well, things can only change if you change into yourself first and finally. The world around us is trapped in a grand Illusion about how “the others” are and what kind of behaviour is accepted. We can get shaped by our “peers” into copying fake and worthless identities.

WHY?

Creativity… What a joke. To produce crap might be set on top of consuming crap to some. I am in doubt. No, I’m not in doubt. It is a little better to stay a passive consumer than produce junk-culture.

“I felt the pain of reality as soon as I touched it.
Not understanding that freedom from pain was in there to find.”

None of the Gods has produced more than what any human or animal can produce, semen passing on to become blood, and what we all can produce sitting in our toilets. Sadly, that is all of us, these “products”. That is the negative aspect to life down in its sad state. Then, on the positive side, we can start to try taking ourselves more seriously and see what the Gods and humanity has achieved so far. There is a tendency among many to take things for granted, but nothing is for free, you’ve heard it before, now see it in all of Life.

I really have had some serious problems in my past that stemmed from causes I was made unaware of, some of it I was a little aware of and readily avoided to confront as long as it was possible to look away from. To never stop and think as I would crash and burn, or so I thought… I felt the pain of reality as soon as I touched it. Not understanding that freedom from pain was in there to find.

“Nor do I find the beauty I want in people that
others are forcing themselves to imagine exist.”

A had a lie of a life for over a decade. (I had some forced upon reasons.) We all have our reasons for failing in life and these reasons must come to a point where they can’t work to hide behind. You know, I reached my peak to no good use at all around fifteen years ago and now I have nothing at all to show from that period. Now I’ve made my current life so I can have more free time on my hands, with writing this and other things you really want. Still, I would be much happier personally with living another kind of life without stress... I have always lived for others somehow. (That is one thing that I will have to change, or maybe not in this period of time... At least feeling sorry for others will never again be mistaken by me as any kind of love. That I will live for others for the rest of this life cannot really be changed; if we are speaking about my Knowledge to be spread for the good. Still, personally I do deserve more and better. I’m one of the few that actually does… Believe it or not.
I would much rather give than take. Anyway, there is nothing in this world that I really want. Nothing is good enough out there in our foes Illusion. Nor do I find the beauty I want in people that others are forcing themselves to imagine exist. I do find beauty here and there, but I will never lie to myself in order to survive, I have real things to live for… I am not really depressed either. Tired and low on energy and will at times, that is true.

SO WHAT?

Well, the mind is very simple and we can try to live on the good moments we’ve had or pick out the less good. Either way, it is not our choice to have personal opinions as Reality is set above us all and what we think does not really matter there, especially if we are to live outside this fact. I want the Knowledge first so that free will can give everyone a life in Reality. And while I’m at it I will add some real gladness to it all. I wish you the best. Most of you…