Taoism:
Shit happens

Confucianism:
Confucius says, shit happens

Islam:
If shit happens it´s the will of Allah

Protestantinism:
Let shit happen to somebody else

Catholisism:
If shit happens, you deserve it

Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?

Agnosticism:
What is this shit?

Athieism:
I don´t believe this shit

Judaism:
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism:
This shit happened before

Buddism:
If shit happens, it isn´t really shit

Jehovas witness:
Ask me into your house, and I´ll tell you why shit happens