Without words

hello stranger,
it's been a while.
and i thought i should write a line and tell you
that everything is fine.
(everything is fine.)

i’m getting on quite well,
i’ve rearranged the bedroom and
i’ve got new pictures on the walls.
- but i’m still not sure of what i want.

i read a lot and go to dinner parties,
i have afternoon coffee with mum on skype and
i still have lots of headaches.
i sleep in the middle of the bed now and i sleep sometimes at lectures.
i still do not speak norwegian
because when i try i start thinking in german.
(i can’t speak a single language properly anymore.)

i have been thinking about going back to new zealand,
i have been thinking about freezing the time.
some nights i’ve thought i’m about to die,
and some nights i’ve laughed so much i’ve cried,
- and i’ve got belly ache and cramp in my face from smiling.

mum was here over the weekend,
she gave me food, some isolation and a radiator.
and then she broke my kitchen lamp.

ah, there’re really so many things i would like to tell you,
so many things i would like to let you know.
but i’ve lost my language darling,
i’ve lost my words to write with.
(oh i’ve lost my words.)

but for the record,
and because it’s true,
i’ll use some stolen words to tell you
that everything might not fine.
(it’s not fine.)

you see,
i miss you darling,
miss telling you about my life,
and i miss hearing about yours.