Clingy tendrils winding their way between my ribs,
wrapping around my heart.
Periodically clenching, intensifying my heartbeats.
Glancing at the clock,
seeing that the number have changed is like an injection.
A sudden surge of the feelings building up like a tsunami,
the wave coursing through my veins.

My pulse thunders on, trying to run away from my body in vain.
My mind is torn between deciding to calm down,
and giving in to the intensity of these feelings.
On some level, I have to acknowledge I am enjoying this torture.
The mere fact that I'm not trying to slow down my erratic breathing is proof, focusing on the way it makes me shudder.

Taking slow breaths is now making me clench my muscles instead,
feeling the blood drain away from my limbs, leaving my hands and feet cold.
This fight or flight response is uncomfortably familiar to me.
But I'm stuck in the maelstrom, the threat is coming from within, unavoidable.
I am not sad.
I am not scared.
The feeling that is churning inside of me is undefinable.
It's forcing my thoughts into hyper-drive.
Not knowing potential consequences, I do not indulge in it.
Yet the thought of letting go is enticing for someone always in control.
And so I enjoy the torture.